The Equation of Young Love
The Equation of Young love
Hi there! So glad you enjoyed Freddie Mercury gloriously riding on the shoulders of Darth Vader!
This month I am going to tell you the story of Erika and Josh. And how the misfortunes of young-love can be broken down into a scientific formula.
I sat there with Erika, in a coffee shop, away from the beating rain. She turned towards me, her bangs angrily moving to one side, “I don’t get him David, why is he this way, how did things get so fucked up?!”
Erika was wearing a beat-up Queen t-shirt and some rocker jeans.
“What exactly is going on?” I asked her, for the second time.
“Well! I try to tell him I need support, in many different ways, and he just tells me that I’m being clingy, and then he goes off to work for hours and leaves me to be alone. It seems he wants to keep me at a distance! When I met him, he was so sweet, but now he goes out if his way to be an asshole!”
Anyway..That’s Erika, she is this twenty-three year old tattooed musician I met a while back. She is wicked talented, and plays in a band. She met her partner Josh, a 25 year old architect, three years ago in college. She told me that when they met, he was communicative and flexible, but now, everything is falling apart.
And we all have done it.
We have all met someone special, then immediately without contemplation, given them complete access to control over our emotions without taking the time to be present, and ask ourselves the hard question, “can this person really take care of my emotions?”
Time-and-time again almost everyone takes part in a scenario similar to this one. There has been much research showing emotional stability and happiness not only increase with age, but, our brains do not effectively mature until we are well past twenty-five. Erik Erikson, famed psychoanalyst, described the time between teens and late twenties to be the most unstable and emotionally charged parts of our lives. Ironically, this is the time frame during which most people desire to meet a stable partner.
Erika said it was like she dating Darth Vader!
Like Erika, when we meet someone special, we put them up upon a pedestal, expecting them to be able to communicate with us, and care for our emotions in the way society has told us they should. We forget that they are human and flawed. That they, like us, probably never took a class in college on how to have a relationship. In reality, their guide on how to love another has been hormones, telling them that all they need to have a successful relationship is feelings.
With this in mind, be intentional and realistic with your attachment and emotions. Give both away with purpose, and to those who are not going abuse or neglect them. Be skeptical of those who have not taken the time to learn relationship skills, as they might be merely operating off of feelings and hormones, rather than logic and reflection.
Finally, remember to be patient; everyone is just learning how to live life, and discover themselves.
And with that.. I leave you with this.
“People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed.”
“Never throw out anyone.”